Okay, be honest... how many times have you said “STOP THAT!” today?

If you’re like a lot of ADHD parents, you’ve repeated yourself more times than you’ve reheated your coffee—and that’s saying something. 😅

This week, we’re flipping the script. What if we stopped chasing the chaos and started celebrating the calm? What if the secret to better behavior isn’t “more discipline,” but more high-fives?

In this issue, we’re talking about the power of positive reinforcement and how it can totally change the way your ADHD child responds, behaves, and believes in themselves. 

How Positive Reinforcement Can Totally Change the Game for ADHD Kids

If you’ve ever said, “Why can’t they just DO WHAT I ASK?” while standing in a room filled with Legos, half-eaten granola bars, and your kid doing cartwheels when they were supposed to be brushing teeth... you are my people. 🙋‍♀️

Living with ADHD isn’t for the faint of heart, but it’s also not a doom sentence. You just need the right tools in your parenting backpack.

And today’s tool is a favorite of mine - positive reinforcement! 

Wait, What’s Positive Reinforcement Again?

In simple terms: Positive reinforcement means rewarding the behavior you want to see more of.

It's the classic “catch them being good” approach. Instead of focusing on what your child is doing wrong, you catch them doing something right and then make a big, sparkly deal about it. 

When a child with ADHD receives immediate, clear, and meaningful praise or reward for doing something right (even if it’s tiny) it lights up the brain’s reward centers. 

It’s not bribing. It’s brain training. 

🔬 What the Science Says

Our ADHD kids often don’t make enough dopamine (the brain’s “you did it!” chemical that helps with focus and motivation).

Positive reinforcement gives them a hit of dopamine in a healthy, natural way. It says, “Hey brain! That thing you just did? That felt GOOD. Let’s do it again!”

A 2018 study showed that positive reinforcement significantly improved behavior and reduced ADHD symptoms in primary school children, supporting the use of immediate, consistent praise as an effective intervention. 

A study published in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology found that kids with ADHD who received high levels of criticism from their parents over time were more likely to continue experiencing strong ADHD symptoms as they got older.

Instead of the usual decline in symptoms many children show with age, these kids saw little to no improvement—likely because the constant negative feedback reinforced stress, shame, and emotional dysregulation.

💔 In other words? Constant correction without positive connection can lock ADHD symptoms in place. Which makes our work with praise and encouragement not just helpful but crucial.

Leading ADHD experts, like Dr. William W. Dodson, suggest that kids with ADHD receive up to 20,000 more negative messages than their peers by age 10-12. 😮

That’s 20,000 moments of:

• “Why did you do that?”

• “Stop it!”

• “You’re too much!”

Imagine how heavy that feels for a little brain.

That’s why positive reinforcement isn’t just helpful. It’s also healing. It helps rewrite the messages our kids hear about themselves.

Real-Life Mama Moment: The Case of the Toothbrush Showdown

My friend Amy’s son, Max (age 6), HATED brushing his teeth. I mean full-blown meltdown every night.

So Amy tried something wild. She bought a superhero timer, gave Max a sticker every time he beat the clock, and let him cash in stickers for bedtime stories.

Within a week, Max was brushing before she even asked. All it took was turning “the fight” into a win.

Want to try what worked for Max? This fun toothbrush timer made brushing feel like a game! 

Step-by-Step: How to Use Positive Reinforcement Like a Pro

1. Set a Clear Goal 

Be ultra-specific. “Be good” means nothing to a 7-year-old. Try:

• “Put your backpack on the hook”

• “Raise your hand before speaking”

• “Brush your teeth before the timer goes off”

Say what you want (not just what you don’t). Instead of “Stop yelling,” try, “Use your quiet voice like we practiced.”

2. Catch 'Em in the Act 

Don’t wait for perfection. Praise the progress. “You started your homework without me asking—YES!”

3. Use Immediate Rewards 

Delayed praise might miss the mark. ADHD brains work best with quick feedback:

• High fives 🙌

• Stickers (check out these super-fun stickers!), tokens (like these fun pirate coins!), points (hello reward chart!)

• Extra bedtime story or dance party

4. Name the Behavior You Loved 

Instead of just “Good job,” say:  “I loved how you stayed in your seat during dinner!”

5. Make it Consistent and Fun 

Inconsistency is the kryptonite of ADHD parenting. Create rituals:

• A “caught being awesome” jar

• Daily celebration dance

• Gold star mornings

🔬 What the Science Says (Again!) 

The CDC recommends positive reinforcement, including praise, as a core component of behavioral therapy for children with ADHD. They emphasize that “the more parents praise a behavior, the more likely it is the child will behave the same way again,” and that structure and consistent positive communication help children improve attention, behavior, and emotional regulation.

Or, in other words, their brains light up like a Christmas tree when they hear “Good job!” from someone they love.

Praise actually helps their brain grow new pathways—like trails in a forest—that make it easier to follow directions and keep calm in the future. 

Quick Tips (Learned the Hard Way)

💛Praise effort, not perfection. ADHD kids need to know that trying matters. 

💛Be consistent. One day of praise won’t do it. Make it a habit.

💛Don’t overdo it. Keep it real. Kids can smell fake praise a mile away.

Big Takeaway

Positive reinforcement is more than just a parenting trick to get your child to comply. It’s a relationship builder. It says: “I see you. I believe in you. And I’m rooting for you.”

That’s powerful stuff. 

Repeatable Proverb: “Water the flowers, not the weeds.” 🌻

Now it’s your turn! Share this newsletter using your unique referral code below with another parent who needs this in their life today. (They get encouragement. You get rewarded!) 

The 3-for-1 Praise Trick

Let’s keep it simple this week: for every one correction, try to give three positive reinforcements.

So instead of:  “Stop interrupting!”

Try:

• “Thanks for waiting your turn just now!”

• “I saw you trying really hard to listen.”

• “That was great eye contact!”

🔁 This 3-to-1 ratio is widely used in behavioral interventions for children, including those with ADHD, and is often referred to as a “3:1 positive-to-corrective feedback ratio.” Using this positive language rewires your child’s brain to want to do better.

Bonus tip? Set a “praise reminder” alarm on your phone. It’s like a nudge to keep the good stuff flowing. 💡

Want help finding the words? These kid-friendly affirmation cards make it easy to sprinkle in daily praise, even when you’re running on fumes.

Something just for moms….

We found this newsletter and loved it! Wanted to pass it along. So if you’re a mom, looking for some daily inspiration, this is for YOU!

Reward Chart That Actually Works (+ Free Template!)

Let’s be honest…Some reward charts collect more dust than stickers. 😅 

That’s why we’re recommending one that’s ADHD-friendly, dopamine-boosting, and actually fun for kids.

🎯 What Makes It Special?

• Designed to focus on one behavior at a time (because less is more for ADHD brains)

• Visual + tactile = great for neurodiverse learners

• Easy to personalize with your child’s interests (add dinosaur stickers, spaceship designs, or glitter unicorns… go wild!)

• Includes a “celebration space” for parents to write encouraging notes

💡 How to Use It:

1. Pick ONE behavior goal (e.g. “Gets dressed without reminders”)

2. Let your child help choose the reward (a game night? choosing dinner? YOU decide!)

3. Praise every step, even if it’s halfway there. Progress counts!

Free Download: Click below to grab your printable Positive Praise Chart! 

Looking for a ready-made chart you can hang on the fridge? This reward chart is a favorite for many of our families—plus, it comes with reusable stickers! Check it out! 

Last week, we took a deep dive into Vitamin D, an often-overlooked “sunshine vitamin” that plays a huge role in ADHD symptoms. (Did you miss it? You can read it here.)

Well, one of our amazing community members, Nate,  shared a story that brought everything we talked about to life:

This is why we do what we do.  👏 Small shifts, like checking a simple nutrient level, can lead to big emotional wins. (Did you miss my favorite Vitamin D supplement last week? Here it is again!) 

So if you haven’t had a chance to revisit your child’s Vitamin D status, let Nate’s story be your gentle reminder: sometimes the missing piece is the one we can’t see but can absolutely feel.

Got a story of your own? 💬 

Send it our way! We’d love to feature it in an upcoming edition so others can be inspired by your journey. 

Chacko, A., Merrill, B.M., Kofler, M.J. et al. Improving the efficacy and effectiveness of evidence-based psychosocial interventions for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in children and adolescents. Transl Psychiatry 14, 244 (2024). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41398-024-02890-3

Musser, Erica D et al. “Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder developmental trajectories related to parental expressed emotion.” Journal of abnormal psychology vol. 125,2 (2016): 182-195. doi:10.1037/abn0000097

Ozoh, Michael C. “Effect of social praise on children with symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder in Zaria Zone: Case for retention” The Educational Psychologist, Federal College of Education Zaria, 2018 Vol. 12, No.1